LOVE IS NOT
A CHOICE.

We often hear the phrase, “Love is a choice.” Usually what people mean is that love is more than an emotion. That's true.

But for the believer, we need to go deeper.

Jesus did not ask His disciples whether they felt capable of loving their enemies. He didn't say, “Love them when they apologize.” He didn't say, “Love them when they deserve it.” He said, “Love your enemies.”

That's a command.

So where does our choice come in?

There may be people you don't naturally like. There may be people you cannot safely trust. There may be relationships where wisdom requires boundaries.

But none of those circumstances cancels Christ's command to love.

Biblical love does not mean calling wrong right. It does not mean giving everyone unlimited access to your life. And it does not mean pretending the wound never happened.

Even when I establish a boundary, I refuse to establish hatred in my heart.

I can pray for you without trusting you. I can desire God's best for you without agreeing with you. I can forgive you without returning to the same unhealthy situation.

God never intended for us to manufacture His kind of love from human emotion alone. He gives us His Spirit.

Your treatment of me does not get to rewrite God's commandment to me.

So don't ask only, “Do I feel like loving them?”

Ask, “Do I love God enough to obey Him?”

Do you know what's easy? Loving somebody who is nice to you!

It's easy to be kind to the friend who shares. It's easy to smile at someone who smiles at you.

But what happens when somebody isn't nice?

Jesus doesn't mean that it's okay for someone to hurt you. If somebody is hurting you, always tell a parent, teacher, pastor, or another trusted grown-up.

But Jesus doesn't want somebody else's bad behavior to make your heart mean too.

You can pray instead of saying something mean. You can forgive instead of trying to get even. You can be kind even when somebody else forgets to be kind.

And you don't have to do it by yourself.

“I don't mess with them anymore.”

“I don't like them.”

“They did me wrong.”

“So why should I love them?”

Fair question.

But Jesus gives us a difficult answer:

Jesus never said you have to pretend somebody didn't hurt you.

He didn't say everybody deserves access to you. And He didn't say you have to follow everybody, text everybody, hang around everybody, or trust everybody.

But He did command you to love.

Your feelings are real. But your feelings change.

Something happens in the group chat. Somebody posts something. A screenshot gets shared. A friend betrays your trust.

But Jesus determines your character.

You can say: “What you did may change our relationship, but it will not change who God called me to be.”

You don't have to get revenge. You don't have to post about them. You don't have to destroy their reputation. And you don't have to become hateful because somebody hurt you.

You can have boundaries and love.

You can walk away without hatred.

You can forgive without becoming foolish.